dining with the mandarins

Pretentious, expensive, over-rated – words that spring to mind when I recall yesterday's lunch at the Mandarin Grill.

But then what do you expect from a hotel that is a 'home from home' for the likes of Tom Cruise, Kevin Costner and Kate Moss? Famously, the Mandarin Oriental was also the spot from which Wong Kar-wai’s golden boy Leslie Cheung threw himself when he took his own life.

Yep, the food is ok – I had smoked salmon, and fresh Dover sole – but it's just one of those places where you’ll never really feel comfortable. It’s place of pin-stripe suits – filled with stuffy lawyers, investment bankers, diplomats and tycoons. And the odd waning movie star.

As their website says, it's a 'powerful dining experience'. But I'd much rather be down the pub, or at the greasy spoon.

A kebab at Ebeneezer's on Lockhart Doh is certainly preferable.

blogiversary

I started blogging a year ago today - Jeez, I have got to get a life!

I took the helm after the blog's former editor went bust and left Hong Kong to pursue better things (a special lady) in London. After starting "London or bust" he then went on to get a job in the Hague - such is the way of the world.

Part of me was disappointed that he hasn't started "the Hague or bust". But instead, he has started his own (non place-specific) blog to match his unpredictable international lifestyle. Definitely a safer move.

Meanwhile I've still been unsuccessful in getting a link from the unaffiliated "Beijing or bust". Basically, that looks about as likely as getting a link from fellow Hongkie bloggers Joyceyland or Ordinary Gweilo... [hint, hint]...

dubious ethics?

"If you must invest in the overpriced Chinese market, go for one of the least glamorous sectors. Cement, for example."

"May's earthquake that killed perhaps 90,000 people in China was one of the world's worst of the last 100 years, but this human tragedy..."

Russel Flannery, Forbes, 21 July, 2008.

and the award goes to... pubic bank!

Spelling mistakes can be very embarrassing.

Take for example Euromoney's editor-in-chief who at last night's Asian awards ceremony had to congratulate Malaysia’s "Pubic Bank". Much to his chagrin that all-important "L" was missing from the powerpoint presentation.

The Euromoney Awards are the Oscars of the financial industry – although at times they feel more like a school prize-giving ceremony. Stephen Vines was the guest speaker, and we were also graced with the presence of Chinese banking legend Fang Fenglei.

That embarrassing spelling mistake was actually rather pleasing from my perspective. Just earlier Euromoney had taken the piss out of the things investment bankers say when they pitch for the awards. Here are some of the best:

--
Banker [on Islamic finance]: "Yes, it takes a lot of time to get it approved by those… what do you call them? Rabbis? Well, obviously not Rabbis, but you know what I mean."

--
Euromoney: "Do you realize that you have missed our deadline for submitting pitch documents?"
Banker: "What’s the point in pitching when we have fuck all chance of winning anything this year?"

--
Banker: "Our deals will move the markets and drive other banks to push boundaries."
Euromoney: "Can you give us any examples of this from the last 12 months?"
Banker: "Well yes… and no… we haven't technically done these deals yet, but we are putting thought into their structures as we speak."

--
Banker: "We are the best bank in this market because… Actually we had better make that off-the-record, as it’s probably not true, though I hope you think it’s true."

psssst… want to make some money?

Tycoon Lee Shau Kee – whose investment trust has dropped 25% from its peak – is hoping that the Hang Seng Index will rebound to 25,000 by the end of 2008. Little did he know - he could have offset this loss by being ‘long’ HKOB which broke 30,000 hits yesterday. Talk about market outperformance!

[Tenuous link ahead]

On the topic of money, cash and journalism are inseperable in Mainland China. A meeting with a Beijing PR agency confirmed that to persuade journalists to attend an event, I would need to provide 'taxi money' – or 'che ma fei'.

Taxi money is essentially a form of envelope journalism - a bribe that can result in positive coverage. It costs around RMB400 for an interview or RMB300 for an event. It knows no bounds; you can even buy coverage for press releases. The dough is distributed to journalists in red pockets.

I don’t know what kind of taxis these journalists are taking, but it sounds like they travel in style. For RMB400, you could probably arrange a round trip from Beijing to Ulaanbaatar!

Essentially this is a case of "when in Rome" vs. generally accepted principles. And call me old fashioned - but with a company’s reputation at stake I won’t touch taxi money with a barge pole.

beijing: "we are ready - aren't we?"

---

Beijing: The following conversation took place in Chinese, between two taxi drivers and myself. Bear in mind that I studied Mandarin full-time for four years, including a year in Beijing:

Me: "Please take me to the Ritz Carlton Hotel."
Driver #1: "Hey, Xiao Pang, check this out - this Laowai speaks Chinese!"

Driver #2: "Wow – can you understand what he is saying?"
Driver #1: "Say it again!"

Me: "Please, can we just go to the Ritz Carlton Hotel?"
Driver #1: "No, I have no idea what he’s saying."
Driver #2: "You idiot - he’s speaking so clearly - He wants to go to a hotel!"
Me: "The RITZ CARLTON HOTEL, please."
Driver #1: "No, I’ve never heard of that hotel. It must be a small one."
Me: "How can you not know the Ritz Carlton Hotel? It's very, very famous."
Driver #1: "Where is this so-called 'Ritz Carlton' Hotel?"
Me: "Jianguo Avenue, Number 83."

Driver #1: "No, there’s no hotel there. There’s absolutely nothing there."
Me: "Yes – there is a bloody hotel there. I’ll show you the way!"
Driver #1: "Ha – the Laowai thinks he knows the direction!"
Driver #2: [Reluctantly] "Ok, Ok, get in my car, I’ll try."

Welcome to Beijing!

poor soul

A former Morgan Stanley banker has been arrested and charged with insider trading in Hong Kong, the local securities watchdog said. (Associated Press)

My heart bleeds for him (at least, if found guilty)...

And in other news, hello to the Pacific Morning Post - and thanks for the link.