batten down the hatches!

Tropical Storm Molave will be making an unwelcome appearance on Sunday... Why do they invariably hit at the weekend?

shankers collage

hongkers meets shangkers

Despite having studied in Beijing – and despite travels that have tracked the longitudinal and latitudinal extremes of the country – my China CV still had one gaping hole: I had never been to Shanghai.

That was until last week, when the company rewarded my hard work with a three day business excursion to the city. "At last," I thought, "a sensible business trip! Chongqing, Shenyang – be gone with you! I am now a Shanghai, Tokyo, London and Paris kinda guy!"

Now despite having heard only positive things about this city, let me tell you a secret: Shanghai is not all it's cracked up to be.

1. The Bund - a chief attraction - is being renovated for the 2010 EXPO (Shanghai's version of the Beijing Olympics). It is currently unwalkable.

2. Shanghai suffers from the same problems has your average Chinese city: apocalyptic smog; wanton construction; chaotic traffic; questionable hygiene; cheap rip-offs - to name a few.

3. Foreigners still seem to be victims of stereotyping: "Hello, lady bar?" for example, as I tried to blend into the bustling, and reportedly cosmopolitan, Nanjing Lu.

On the positive side, Shanghai's cityscape is impressive (even in the smog). Its scale already dwarfs New York (and Hong Kong), and only looks set to grow further. My hotel room – in the Grand Hyatt – was on the 74th floor.

As SSPB might say: hkorbust says visit Shanghai - but wait until after the EXPO.

what’s the cfukcing point…

… as the Great Unlinkable (or unlikeable?) might say.

I am referring of course to Hong Kong public holidays which fall mid-week – Wednesday's HKSAR Establishment Day being a case in point.

As the flood of humanity gushes predictably forth from dim sum restaurants circa 12.30pm, Hong Kong's streets, beaches, shops, museums – and anything else you can think of – become increasingly busy. The tipping point is inevitably crossed by around 3pm – the moment when even the most hardened Causeway Bay shopaholic will notice that their spirits (along with much of their cash) have been glugged down the plughole of fate.

Then there's work.

If you are generally a "receiving-50-emails-a-morning" type of person, then by missing one day of work you can guarantee that there will be 100 emails that require your immediate attention. By the afternoon, your humble colleagues in Singapore, Mumbai, Seoul, and Beijing (and other locations that did not get holidays) will have resent the requests you have not yet honoured – only this time marking them URGENT and applying that infuriating (and occasionally alarming) little red exclamation mark.

You will work overtime to catch up.

As the clock passes midnight a new thought - along with a new day - dawns on you:

Why did I bother with the cfucking holiday in the first place?

joining the ranks…

This week is notable chez hkorbust in that Mrs H has finally joined the ranks of Hong Kong's 199,700 officially unemployed persons. She resigned from her position in international sales some two months ago, fed up with her company's illogical management style.

Her first day of freedom was spent reserving a two week holiday in October, when we plan to travel to Tanzania/Uganda for a wedding. It is a trip that involves no less than seven flights - four of which are within Africa. As things stand, I'll be spending my 30th birthday at 36,000ft, somewhere between Nairobi and Bangkok…

In the meantime, Mrs H is planning to head to Philippines to participate in an NGO project with children – although like my birthday this remains very much up in the air. She is preferably looking for something not too far from Hong Kong that could be done for somewhere between 6-8 weeks – not sure if anyone has any recommendations?

Meanwhile, I’ve been so busy that I haven't had the chance to follow the news recently – did someone die, or something?

H1N1 or bust – quarantined!

After twelve hours, the insertion of five suction catheters, one chest x-ray, one blood test, one sputum test, one urine test, and a course of tamiflu, I was finally allowed to leave my isolation unit at the Queen Mary Hospital with a diagnosis of "H1N1 negative." But for a moment, yes, I was nervous.

The episode came about after developing flu symptoms over the weekend. On Monday I returned to the office to find that my secretary – just back from Canada - had tested H1N1 positive. Another colleague had been quarantined as a precaution. I immediately joined the dots, and at the recommendation of the company doctor was sent for the test.

With Mrs H in England, and my Blackberry and mobile phone as my only companions, it was indeed a lonely day. I passed the time texting my friends, writing emails, and mastering "Highroller Casino" on my phone – I am now rather good at Texas Hold'em.

A couple of points about quarantine in Hong Kong.

First, the tests are unpleasant – in particular, the "suction catheter". This is inserted up the nostrils, and down the throat to collect liquid. It results in a natural "gag" reaction. Second, reminiscent of Big Brother, a CCTV camera is in the room, which I noticed follow me around. Third, a quick mention to the chefs at the hospital, who with a great sense of irony served a pork stir fry for both lunch and dinner.

Finally – it's amazing I got out at all. I mixed up two of the tests, putting the urine in the sputum pot and vice versa.

snakes on a plane!

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Air China CA1644 from Beijing to Shenyang. During the flight we will be serving snakes and water."

In China you never can be too sure about stuff like this.